“A man from the city who had demons met Jesus. For a long time, he had not worn any clothes, and he did not live in a house but in the tombs. When he saw Jesus, he cried out and fell down before him, shouting…” Luke 8:27-28.
"I haven't had a manic episode since 2010."
At my worst, I am unbathed, in need of a haircut, shifty-eyed, confrontational, and unable to participate in basic conversation. This is me when I am manic. Delusions seem real to me. Sleep is impossible, as I am up for nights on end. I am vehemently opposed to receiving any medical help for my condition when unwell.
I haven’t had a manic episode since 2010. Over the last 13 years, I have taken my medication routinely, attended psychiatry appointments regularly, and followed doctors’ orders to maintain a life of abstinence from drugs and alcohol. Finding a supportive community to surround me also helped. I found the unconditional support of others through 12-step programs and the church. Somehow during this time of wellness, I went to grad school and became a pastor.
I always worry that in Christian circles some folks might deem erratic and unwell behavior as demonic possession. I’m not picking this out of thin air. I’ve heard theories about evil spirits being tied to mental health conditions espoused within the walls of the church. I am just now willing to confront misinformation directly.
Does the average Christian want to cast out my bipolar demons and cure me? When I share my diagnosis within a church community are people scared of me? Or worse, do they live in faith that God will cure my diagnosis of bipolar disorder?
Spoiler alert. God can’t cure me of my condition.
Speaking only for myself and my own diagnosis, God cannot be called upon to cleanse me entirely from this condition. I’m one hundred percent okay with that. I would bet my experience as a psychiatric patient, addiction support worker, addictions chaplain, Clinical Pastoral Education intern chaplain, and wanderings as a parish pastor on it. Instead, I truly believe that God continuously walks with me through the effects of bipolar disorder. My “faith support network” of choice understands my limitations, challenges, and pitfalls with bipolar type 1. Amongst the people I choose to be around, there is no notion of eliminating my disorder. My people know that it is impossible to vanquish a mental health condition of my variety. They know it can be treated and not cured.
"Spoiler alert. God can’t cure me of my condition."
It is only recently that I have become willing to discuss how I manage and live with bipolar disorder. I first spoke up in February of 2023. I was diagnosed in 2005. Being open about my struggle has caused a steady stream of afflicted individuals to come and visit me in my office. Mostly family members of someone diagnosed with a mental health condition. I have reached one conclusion as a result of these visits. Christianity has done mental health recovery a disservice historically. Faith has often meant conformity. Mental health conditions do not conform to traditional Protestant austerity and piety. Symptoms of mental health conditions can often mean an individual is cast out of the community.
If you think I am exaggerating about Christians tying demonic possession with mental health conditions, I’m not. In my most vulnerable state, I was presented with a wide array of spiritual solutions to my mental malady. I am referring to the first six months of my now thirteen-year period in which I avoided admission to the psych ward. In the early stages of my recovery, I came across some of the most charismatic, irresponsibly optimistic, and even predatory Christian evangelists. These were individuals who had recently found salvation and were fervently seeking to convert as many people as possible through the practice of laying on of hands. These folks seemed to be hanging around the same places I was when I pieced my life together. I’ll be honest, this brand of evangelism often doesn’t ask for consent. I had nowhere to run when they laid hands on me and prayed. I felt nothing but awkwardness and discomfort. Nothing spiritual. I left that “conversion” experience with the resolve to do better for people of faith.
As a Pastor, I want to do better for people like me. When faith and mental health intertwine, I hope to dispel any confusion about the difference between curing and healing. Faith experiences heal me. Faith heals me when I am surrounded by the afflicted. Faith heals me when the broken gather around the altar for communion. Faith heals me when a congregation of the mourning step into the darkness of grief and sing with a unified voice at a memorial service. Faith heals me when I listen to someone in crisis and God taps me on the shoulder, reminding me to be patient because a hundreds of concerned individuals were patient with me. Faith has never cured me but healing continues in my life.
"Faith heals me when I am surrounded by the afflicted."
This is what you can expect in my writing. I won’t tell you how to get well; this isn’t written from the perspective of a mental health professional. All I can provide are my experiences as a pastor with bipolar type 1. I work in an environment that naturally attracts individuals with mental health conditions, but a majority of Christians often shy away from discussions about mental wellness. Somehow, I feel a divine calling to openly share my own mental health journey, in the hope that those who can relate to the struggles of the demoniac may find solace within a compassionate and understanding community.
Amen and thank you.
Pastor Seth Perry
5 Responses
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. May God continue to work through you!
Hello Tina!
It was good connecting with you this weekend.
Let’s continue to work locally to progress both of our causes!
Pastor Seth-
As someone who met you here in Kingston while you were serving St Mark’s and as a retired clergy myself, let me say how deeply moved I am by this blog and the first few videos I have watched. I admire and appreciate your honesty and clarity, and your authenticity and vulnerability. Your perspective and passion are urgently needed in the church and in the world these days… May God continue to bless you that you may continue to be blessing in the lives of those you encounter ..
Hi Elizabeth! So good to hear from you. I have had a lot of fun writing this blog so far. I plan to develop this project more in the future. I invite you to keep engaging with the articles and devotions as they are published. If you see any mutual acquaintances in the ecumenical clergy community of Kingston say hi to them.
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